Life’s Lessons – Maria’s Diary

Learning is an ongoing natural progress for everyone. My dad used to say, the day we stop learning is the day we die. That was when life was sweet, everything ran in a predictable fashion.  That is, toasters blew up, kids got sick with all the normal stuff, flu, measles etc. Back then money was tight but everyone managed as we simply got on with day-to-day living. Today life should be easier two kids grown and with no mortgage, we have it made.

Now, however, we are faced with a new challenge. How to cope with and help an aging parent whose memory is behaving in an erratic fashion. When I mention the words, vascular dementia, I get sympathetic looks but not much practical advice. So if anyone in the blogging world has experience of this unpredictable event in our lives, I would appreciate all of the advice you can throw my way.

Bob is as usual, kindly on standby to offer hugs to everyone including dad. Though he is still miffed over the bow  tie photo so, what the heck here is a reminder.

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Happy Days, Cold weather is back.

I enjoyed Christmas, the Turkey was awesome but something even better happened this morning. Jack frost is back….

bob pooching

 

Though some dogs do get a little excited about it

 

ellie away

searching

bob and ellie with me

 

But not this cool dog.

bob 1

Because I know where the day is always heading…..

ellie asleep on bob the cushion

But using me as a cushion is a tad too much, don’t you agree?

Have a great New Year see you all in 2015,

 

 

Bob’s Diary: Four more sleeps till Turkey Day.

“I am afraid to look Bob. How did we end up in this mess?”

how did we end up in this mess

“Ellie, Lets rewind back to earlier when I was sitting minding my own business.”

bob5

bob 3

And stuff  kept dropping on me as Maria was rushing in and out getting the tree and other bits. Then you, Ellie made the mistake of sitting down… and Maria decided it was an opportunity..

joined by ellie

bob in  tinselTo make us look like a pair of right Irish idiot dogs. I mean do we look happy? Roll on Turkey day.”

Bob’s Diary: I wish I were on ….Mars?

It was a sleepy warm Sunday. A perfect day for snoozing – or so I thought

sunny sleepy bob

As I dozed in the sunshine. This happened –

bob hat 1

Who put the sun out?

bob hat 2

I was caught unawares

bob hat 3

and ended up wearing these

ridiculous looking

bob hat 4

hats.

bob mars

Though I wonder if I keep the last one on will I get to go there and find

peace

peace.

ellie sleepy

Someone escaped. Ellie sat in the corner with that silly know it all look on her face. Wait till she loses that tennis ball and goes looking for another.

smart bob

I hid them..

Bob’s Diary: The sock nicker.

I kept looking at Maria, pointedly.

She should know my worried look by now.

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And I had good reason.

The sock nicker is back in action.

sock nicker

The trouble is Ellie just doesn’t know the meaning of the word stop or quit. And I envy her this bed of trouble, it looks comfortable.

bed of socks

 

 

Maria’s stuff: A forgotten sketch

Tired after a late night / early morning I resorted to cleaning out a file and found this, a sketch of my husband and daughter. They were always close from the get go. If he was fixing a car or truck she was by his side handing over the necessary spanner, parts etc.

And some twenty years later though it has changed a little, as life dictates, they are still great buddies.sara and pat

 

Maria’s Stuff: Weddings: Ireland: Today and Yesterday

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A thought about Weddings.

 

I have two weddings to attend in the next six months. 

This got me thinking about the change in attitude to the event since I was married thirty years ago.

Back then, the wedding was a means to an end. By that I mean most of us didn’t live together until after we were married. 

Today the trend as we know is different. The thing is the planning often takes years. This means a lot more stress over a longer period of time, or am I wrong in saying that?

The more time you have to think and plan the longer the brides list of must do’s and must haves gets. So it mushrooms into a Super Event. This is happening right now. Brides have to have, (I am told) bridal dance to create, learn and plan, the Hen night (a weekend or a week long affair), The Stag night (similar to the Hen night ), the day after the wedding party,  the speeches (often includes a video or photography link) and so on it grows.

One bride to be confessed she is afraid she will be on a downer after the event. My mouth dropped open and was nudged shut by my hubby. Words, for once, were not processed in my brain to reply to her.

For me the wedding is the start of the event: your life together.

I  will end on this note we planned our wedding in six weeks. 

It is true. Please don’t keel over.

We had church, flowers, hotel, and party with live band and oodles of photos. The six weeks came about when we became aware that to get our house loan we had to have a marriage certificate. We needed to give them a wedding date. We asked how long it would take to get the paperwork for the house completed we were told six weeks hence the six week date.  It was a small family wedding with a party afterwards and I loved every minute of it as did my husband and those who attended (or so they say).

 I will add weddings like life, can be as complicated or simple as we make them. But above all they should be enjoyable.

 

Maria’s Stuff: Reality Check – One year on and still missing her.

The 30th of May was an awkward weird day. I woke remembering but trying hard not to visualise my last few minutes with my mum.

After watching her cope with being paralyzed on her left side, and her ensuing struggle to live on a daily basis I have learnt to recognize, and admire the courage of the elderly and anyone who is ill.

On a stranger note I get angered by the daily flippant changes in our Irish healthcare system which are  devoid of commonsense, logic and business sense.

I do have many regrets involving her last year. The main one being my constant questions (in my own mind) about how we failed in our lack of care. We did everything we could at the time, don’t get me wrong but looking back I see the faults, the areas where I should have demanded more on her behalf.

The reality of a situation like that is though you may be doing the best you can for them, I felt, in this case,nothing I did was good enough. I am left wondering and questioning if I could have done better, more..

For now, I focus on remembering the times we laughed, moaned or groaned to each other .

I have also learnt that a life no matter how long or short it is, is often remembered by moments. These snapshots bring back memories of vivid happiness, fun, grief, nothing escapes but they are all moments to be treasured.

For the first time in my life I appreciate and understand her unspoken philosophy of being involved, doing something no matter how trivial or menial. The size of the gesture or involvement doesn’t matter. It is the act of living, being part of life. And all I can add is for such a small woman she managed to do a whole lot of living.