The Christmas Fairy Troop Go Dark

 Constance Claus stepped outside the workshop and frowned. The courtyard was full of elves walking about examining the ground, with magnifying glasses! In the centre of the huge space, Enda was begging Bob (The Norwegian Elkhound)) to behave like a dog and sniff out the problem. Bob sat and stared at Enda who was jumping up and down. The effort caused steam to pour from his ears and nose.

Constance hurried over to Enda. “What is going on? Is it a new game?”

“No. No game. We have a mystery. Someone left a weird order at the workshop door.” He pushed up his sleeves and sat on the ground beside their favourite and only dog.

“And the order is for?”

“Fifteen million black steel-capped boots in size 001, and black studded jackets. The note said further items to follow.” He shook his head, “Black sized 001 boots!”

“Oh.” Was all Constance could manage.

“Exactly, you and I know that the only ones in the world who wear that size is..” He bit his lip and shook his head in disbelief. “The Christmas Fairy Troop. Santa is not happy.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this earlier? I will talk to Belle.” Constance declared and pulled herself so tall she almost looked svelte like.

Enda watched her walk away, “Good luck Mrs C. I have a feeling you will need it.”

Constance didn’t relish facing an army of fairies so she invited their chief, Belle to come and have tea with Santa. This she knew would take a lot of cajoling. Santa hated having to sit and eat dainty sandwishes and cupcakes. But when she explained the problem he agreed,

They sat waiting for Belle. On top of Santa and Constance’s table, sat a tiny table decked out in pink and white cloth, with a matching rose-patterned tea set and tiny fairy sized portions of fairies favourite foods. The clock ticked in the background. Time dragged on and just when they decided she was a no show, with a puff of purple smoke Belle arrived.

Constance gasped, Santa shouted, “What happened Belle? Were you run over by a herd of wild reindeer?”

The reply was not delivered sweetly. “No. And please call me Buffy.”

“No! Why? What did you do wrong?” Santa asked and removed his glasses to wipe them clean. There was nothing sweet and delightful about the fairy who stood before them. She looked like a badass in a gangster film. Her sparkling joyful look was gone. Her dress was black lace with red and purple sparkles glaring from it, her black jacket was studded with red studs and her boots were jet black, even her wand, which peeked from a pocket was black.

“I did nothing wrong. That present you gave us last year was great, enlightening. We watched some amazing tv and learnt that we should update our look.”

Unfortunately, Enda appeared with a pot of tea and another tray of gingerbread. He looked at the three people before him and the tray crashed to the ground. “Oh no, you don’t twinkle Belle, who did this who turned you into a monster?”

“Hi Enda do you like my makeover? It is modern isn’t it?”

No, We can’t have a chief fairy who looks like a ..monster.”He shuddered, “what will happen to the Christmas trees all over the world?” He blinked at them.  “They will go on fire “Enda wailed.

Constance and Santa groaned. “Do something Constance, this is beyond me, what happened to sweetness and light Belle… sorry Buffy?”

“It is so last century. We need to get more modern, put a little spark of unpredictability into peoples lives, don’t you agree? Oh I forgot something be back in a jiffy.”“With that, she vanished.

Constance noted her husband’s white face and gasp of horror as the full reality hit him. Enda was marching around the room proclaiming doom for all who adored Christmas.

Santa turned to Constance, “all is lost if the fairies do this. Christmas is about sweetness, light, hope and most of all happiness that comes from the act of giving. We can’t have angry fairies.” He shook his head and stared at his stomach, as it was many years since he could see his feet from this position. “Next they will want weapons instead of wands, it would be the end of Christmas and all on my watch, oh my.”

“My thoughts exactly Santa, exploding snowflakes, fire eating teddy bears, no more ballerina slippers just hard nasty boots, candy canes without any free wishes. Oh dear, oh dear” Enda plopped to the floor and sat.

Constance sighed. “I’ll deal with her, you two scoot and don’t come back till I call for you.” She hoped she had enough tact and patience to deal with this unforeseen disaster.

Belle appeared in a puff of purple and black smoke. She was carrying a rolled sheet of paper. She thrust it at Constance and sat on the edge of a teacup. “You understand don’t you Mrs Claus? It’s not much really. The first change …ever.”

Constance began to read. When she finished, she put it on the table and turned to Belle. “So, you are tired of your appearance and wish to update the fairy look?” At Belle’s nod of agreement. Constance sat drumming her fingers on the tabletop.She didn’t want to refuse but she needed to change their minds, just a little change might work.

“Come with me and we will see what we can do.” She tried not to smile as she noticed Belle’s surprise, no doubt she expected a fight not a weary acceptance. Let her think she has won the fight, Constance thought. She led the way to her own workroom. When they entered she heard a “wow” escape Belle’s lips.

“This is pretty,”Belle said as she fingered a softly draped fabric that had a slight wash of peach in it. Would it suit me?”

“Possibly but it is not the black and purple you say you need.” Noticing Belle’s wistful glance about the room she added, “ If you like I could redesign a whole outfit for your team in different styles and different colours, shoes to match. We could vary from the usual style and add some leggings underneath the filmy light dress and make some very trendy looking trainers. What do you think?” Constance noted the dreamy look on Belle’s face , Constance, you are about to lose a truckful of sleep. As it turned out Constance was correct, Belle threw herself into the task with abandon, picking colours that would raise a smile instead of a groan from Santa.

If Santa and Enda thought it strange that the dining room now boasted a endless line of fairies who came for a day and then left, they said nothing. Though Enda did wonder, “They are laughing, a lot, that has to be good. I hope?”

Everyone was on edge. Especially when they heard that the fairies were fighting amongst themselves. Sam and Noel, hadn’t sang a tune for days. They didn’t want to be noticed, just in case any angry fairy magic was thrown their way. Bob too was not his normal self, proof was the dishful of jelly babies that sat inside his kennel. 

Constance remained calm. She was tired. She and the sewing department had spent many nights without sleep. The sewing elves fingers were aching. They were starting to complain about the amount of sparkling studs they had to fix to trainers. Constance kept everyone’s spirits high by providing extra marshmallows in their hot chocolate drinks.

Finally they were finished.  The fairies decided to say thank you in their own way. They said farewell to Constance and thanked her.  A few minutes after their departure, Slim raced to find Santa and Constance. “You’ve got to come and see this. We think it is those aliens Noel is always talking about.”

Alarmed they ran outside and looked before them. Just beyond Santa’s village there appeared to be a rainbow sitting close to the ground. It shimmered and glowed, as it edged closer. Sam was shaking.

Enda roared, “Behind Santa, now everyone.”

“Why me?” Santa asked and stared at the rainbow then chuckled. “Wow” Leaning closer to Constance he said, “Well done Mrs C. You have indeed saved the day and it is the most important day, again.!

It was becoming apparent to everyone that the image before them was the fairy troop. They were dressed in shimmering soft colours and as they danced and sang large baskets of strawberry, blueberry and cranberry ice cream landed in the middle of the workshop. The elves smiled and relaxed, we love it when you rescue Christmas Mrs C.”

Noel agreed with a smile, “much better than the year Santa tried to alter the climate.” Everyone nodded in agreement. Santa glared at them.

“Why are we hiding behind Santa?” Noel asked.

“Because, he is the biggest thing we have here in the North Pole” Enda answered.

“Hoi, less of the big, please, you could put best in place of big.” Santa shouted as he made his way to the kitchen to see if he and Bob could have a midnight snack.He heard Constance was trying for the largest cookie record. .

Everyone watched him walk away and together they sang. “No, no, no.”

Santa is a little worried that we might forget all about him because of the pandemic.

Naughty or Nice?

Constance Claus or Mrs C as some call her was pleased, everything was running smoothly in the run-up to Christmas Eve. She had a long list. It was so long it rolled behind her, around the workshop, out the door and into the main square where Summer, her perfectly white cat was using it as a bed.

The elves were working at a frenzied pace due to a bet that Noel would beat the record for putting wheels on bikes in a single day. He was on hour number 8 of 12 and it was showing. His beard was a damp sponge as sweat flowed from his forehead. Constance stopped to watch him and was pleased to notice that the kindly younger elves had equipped Noel with a cold drink which sat on his hat , the long straw flowed from the bottle straight to Noel’s mouth.

Happy they were looking out for each other Constance looked back at her list,

“Check the Reindeer have passed their fitness test.” She smiled at the line underneath – and your husband as well.” She frowned. It was a long time since she saw him, breakfast to be exact.

Standing on the nearest empty chair, Constance gave a piercing whistle. Everyone except Noel stopped working to look at her. “Has anyone seen Santa?” When she was met with silence, Constance felt a moment of worry then she brushed it to one side.

The elves shuffled in a group to stand before her. “He never leaves the workshops, he is bound to be here, somewhere, we will go find him for you.”

“And I will go and check on lunch for you,” she smiled as she left to check the kitchen hoping he was sitting having a giant slice of gingerbread and some milk.

However, the kitchen was empty, ten minutes later the elves began to report in:

he is not in the bedroom, he is not in the reindeer house, he is not in summers house, he is not in the workshop on any of the floors or in any of the cupboards.

They fell silent. “Oh no, we have lost Santa, ” the elves were rushing about in circles, panicking. “Broken Candy canes! We have lost Santa,”

One tiny elve piped up, “perhaps he has gone away for a holiday.”

“Don’t be stupid Dilly, he never goes on holiday. He is the holiday.” The others answered.

Dilly responded by crying loudly.

“How will we find a lost Santa, we can’t tell anyone.” Constance stared at the ceiling then lowered her eyes at the sound of someone munching on a cookie.  “Bob can find him!” She said then wondered aloud, “Where and how did you get those sugar-coated cookies?”

Santa’s four-legged friend looked around the room,then he tried to hide behind the tiniest elf in the room.  It didn’t work, neither did his reindeer costume.

I am not a sniffer dog – I am a reindeer.

There was a loud official knock on the kitchen door. Everyone including the cookie munching Bob turned to see who was doing this when no one ever knocked on doors in Santa’s home.

Taking a deep breath Constance stepped forward and slowly opened the door.  It was George, the giant elf who everyone almost, nearly but not quite forgot about each year as his job was to protect the boundaries of Santa’s home.

“We have a situation, Mrs Claus.” His voice was deep and officious. He appeared to look happy, something which never happened and was deeply troubling every other elf in the room.

“A..a.. situation. How what and where? We never have a situation beyond the threat of running out of time to get the job done.’

“Well, perhaps you should follow me.”

“Why?” Constance was puzzled. This was a first for her just like hearing George speak in such a serious tone.

“I need help as it is a little bit delicate and he is moving too fast.”

“Who?” Constance was getting tired of this. “Just tell me straight.” She and the elves walked outside after George.

His answer was to point upwards.   Everyone stared high into the sky.  There he was, but he was not sitting in his sleigh practising his driving skills nor taking care of the fluffy white clouds or the birds who were flapping and diving out of his way.

No, he was sitting on Rudolph and they were racing about the sky, doing loops and summersaults, diving towards the ground sending snow flying from treetops along with hundreds of birds who had been enjoying a mid-day nap until they were rudely awoken by the racing, giggling Santa. Then in a sizzling flash they sliced and diced the clouds up into tiny marshmallows, Santa grabbing chunks and throwing them to the elves below who were enjoying the show, clapping and laughing.

“This is not funny,” Constance told everyone. Hands-on her hips she wondered just how much sugar Santa had consumed to get him in this state then forgot it as the elves asked,

“We need to get him down but how will we do it?”

“I could write him a speeding ticket or careless driving ticket or an over the sugar limit ticket.” George was bouncing on his toes with excitement. He never got to arrest anyone, imagine being the one who arrested Santa!

Constance’s words knocked the smile off his face. “I know the one person he will listen to and he will be down in an instant.”

George looked depressed. His claim to fame was being squashed.

Pulling her phone from her pocket she dialled a number. The elves were laying bets on who it was Constance was ringing. “Some real police. – No the FBI – No. His dentist he is terrified of him.”

Someone even better Constance said, as she approached Dasher. Leaping nimbly on to his back she took to the sky. Constance and Dasher did not race about like Santa, they flew to a large cloud and waited for him to come to them. Words were exchanged, the elves saw Constance lean towards her husband with her phone in her hand and five seconds later he was on the ground. Constance and Dasher joined Rudolph and Santa then turned to the astonished elves.

Constance slid from Dasher and stood to smooth out her skirt fully aware that every elf was dying to ask her who she rang. She took her time and tried not to smile as Santa marched off muttering and grumbling about wives not allowing husbands to have any fun at all.

Finally, when she was ready she said, “His mum!”

 

 

Double Trouble for Constance Claus.

Double Trouble for Constance Claus.

Constance Claus loves Christmas as much as she loves her husband but, every year from November until December 26th a disaster happens. And at his tremendous age, Santa hated problems. Constance tried to plan ahead as, let’s be honest; most people like to have a trouble free life.

Last year it was the missing gingerbread recipe. The recipe was ancient, almost as old as the cook who had the job of baking five million perfectly formed gingerbread houses. Every inch of the North Pole was searched. This meant the elves were hungry, a lot more than usual and so Constance spent most of her days cooking and preparing meals. If, she often reasoned afterwards, if she hadn’t been busy feeding the hungry elves, then she would have solved the puzzle earlier.  She found it – under the cook’s hat. It had risen as high as his pastry and was stuck to the top of it.

This year she began her anti disaster plan in July. The first thing she did was to make certain there was a copy of the recipe on her tablet. Next, she checked there was an awesome mountain of buttons for the Minion’s dungarees,then, enough paint for the rocking horses and on and on her list went. But she with the help of chief elf Enda,  worked their way through it.

So by the second week of November she was wondering if she could finally relax.

The workshop was thundering through the long menu of toys and electrical gadgets that needed to be made. The new computer department was turning out to be a great addition as the technicians had rigged up a mechanical serving belt which brought the food straight from the kitchen to the tables at lightening speed.

“Too fast for me,” moaned Santa as yet again he was too slow to collect his dinner off the moving belt and it whizzed on to Slim who snagged it.

“But dear you are looking all the trimmer for it,” Constance said.

She was sitting before a pretty log fire with Summer, her cat, snoozing on her lap, when her walls began to shake and rumble. Strange, thought Constance. However, when the rumbling increased she jumped to her feet and went to investigate. Summer slid to the ground, shook himself and went off to find a more reliable less jumpy cushion to snooze on.

Constance wondered if Santa and the elves were playing a trick on her so she was a little wary of opening her front door. This was just as well, because when she opened it a chunk of snow slid off the roof and landed on her doorstep.

“This won’t do,” Constance muttered and picked her way through the mountain of snow.

Then she stopped and stared. She giggled because she couldn’t help it. The reindeers were playing dodge the snowball. And due to their very heavy appearance they were making the ground shake and groan under their hooves.

She frowned. “This is terrible, Rudolph you are looking a little chunky tonight.” She mused and then stopped and sniffed the air. He smelt of chocolate and something else. She stared at him.

“Is that marshmallow sticking to your coat?” He backed away and looked at her with huge sad eyes.

She went back inside but instead of sitting in her comfortable chair she peeped out the window.  She noticed some of the reindeer sniff the air and stroll off towards the elves living room. Constance decided to follow.

In the  elves living room she discovered the elves were having a snack. They had taken their shoes off and were sitting before a huge fire toasting smores. “Where did you learn how to do that?” She asked Santa who was managing to toast four at a time.

“Internet.” He said, “Try some. They are delish.”

She tilted her head to one side, “how long have you been doing this?

“Oh only a week or two. It’s just that we get so hungry with the extra work. It is a nice way to relax and we tell stories then head to bed.”

She looked around the room and noticed many of the elves were already asleep in their chairs. Just then the door opened and a young reindeer entered. He walked straight to a sleeping elf and very gingerly took the uneaten smore from the elf’s hand before moving to the next elf.

Constance did not want to be a spoilsport but she was worried. The reindeer needed to be fit and Santa, she knew would eat until his suit was close to bursting.

Over the next two weeks no matter what she did, the reindeer always found a way into the elves sitting room. She wondered if they were paying the elves to leave a door open. No, that is totally silly, she decided.

It was December and the workshop was producing toys at a frantic rate.

There was a “bang” followed by a “pop” and everything stopped. There was a shocked silence. Enda shouted, “lets find the fault.” An hour later they knew the problem. The generator couldn’t produce enough electrical power.

“We need to produce more electricity.It’s knackered.” Was the final statement from their workshop maintenance team.

“Right early lunch and lets chew on it.” Santa said.

Constance went for a walk. She always thought better when left to think by herself. Rudolph accompanied her, with Summer sitting on his back.

“I know you are trying to get fit and slim Rudolph but it is not working. You need a high intensity work out. Cross fit for Reindeers, I think.”

She let the thought rattle about in her head for a while and when she returned to the workshop she called the maintenance team to her.

Three days later the workshop was breaking all production records.

Enda said, “Thank you Constance for your brilliant idea.”

Constance beamed at  him. “You are welcome. I think almost everyone is happy.”

Enda grinned. “Well if Santa insists on eating so much then he has no choice. He can’t have it all his own way, even if his name is Santa.”

They both looked over at the line of reindeer waiting their turn to get on the exercise wheel. Beyond the exercise wheel there was another line of reindeer happily munching on smore flavored hay.  Santa walked alongside the reindeer. A giant pedometer declared, “well done Santa just 5,000 more steps to earn a whole smore this evening.”

Santa wasn’t too worried as he had a date on the 25th with a dog called Bob who was currently stashing marshmallows in his Christmas stocking in exchange for jelly babies.

 

 

 

Mrs. Claus Fixes Christmas

Christmas Eve –  two am – Constance Claus decided it was time. She tiptoed through the snow filled square. Though the sound of the elves snoring was reassuring Constance was being extra careful. She knew Enda could hear a feather drop in snow.

“I wish I could snore in harmony like them.” She paused, mid step to listen. “Ahh. I know the name of this tune. Let’s get this party started.'” Bending down to rub her white cat, she murmured, “we agree, don’t we Summer?”

The cat shook her paws before continuing on to the doorway of the workshop.

Constance believed her idea was brilliant. She was tired of listening to the elves moaning about the amount of snow. They are getting themselves in such a state that they are catching cold. She shivered at the thought of catching such a dreadful thing.

With her hand on the door knob, she paused to check again. Their snores floated on ice cold air to her. Satisfied she walked inside, flicking on lights as she went.

The workshop looked empty and vast. It wasn’t that way an hour ago.

*   *   *   *   *

Panic had been the order of the day. For a start, getting Santa into the sleigh  proved to be difficult.

“Steady on, mind my trousers.” He shouted as the elves formed a line and pushed him into the sleigh.

“Let’s fit the other toys in around him when we squish him down,” Enda  suggested.

“Hey Enda, less of the squishing. I can sit down.” Santa roared.

“You do the squishing bit.” Enda’s brothers, Slim, Noel and Sam, sang. They preferred to stay out of his way during the fraught filled minutes of final preparations.

Constance walked up to Santa, “Wait dear, you forgot your thermal insulated gloves.” She narrowed her eyes, “did you remember to put the matching socks on?”

He gave a nod then grimaced because they were hotter than he liked.

She said, “Good. I packed you a snack.”

At the mention of food he cheered up.

“And some liquorice for the reindeers.”

When he scowled, she chuckled, “a thermal mug of hot chocolate and a barrel of ginger nut elf biscuits for you. Take your time. Remember the list. Drive carefully Mr. Claus.”

Santa scowled. “That incident with the plane was not my fault, the idiots came closer for a second look. The reindeers lost their bootees with fright. As for the traffic lights in the main street, it wasn’t my fault, Mrs. Claus, I didn’t know they could swivel.”

The elves scurried away to check the reindeer’s boot laces.

She kissed the tip of his nose then worked her way around the reindeers planting a kiss on top of every head or they would be jealous.

“Have a nice rest, be kind to yourself Constance do something for you just for a change.” With those words he left.

“I will indeed,” she said.  Armed with a giant cup of creamy coffee embellished with a sprinkling of coco and a flake bar,  to get her creative motor running she began to plan. She liked inventing things, and tonight she felt like doing so.

 “Deciding to invent something is easy. The problem is doing it without causing further complications along the way.” Constance bit into her flake bar.  “Oh dear I will have to be careful. I remember poor little Elsie’s hair. Poof, up it went in a rainbow cloud of smoke when I made a hair curling tongs for her. And poor Jake tested my first sock warmers. He couldn’t bear to reveal his scorched foot to anyone for a long time. It looked so hideous. I got sick when I changed the bandages, but then I suppose that was my punishment for the damage I did.”

To dispel that nasty image she nibbled on the flake bar. Summer neatly caught the bits that fell towards the floor. There was silence for a long time as Constance sat and considered if, maybe, this was another stupid idea. The clock chimed. She glanced up at it. A scroll flipped down. It read, “late Christmas eve, go to bed.”

She muttered, “You are correct. I should but I won’t get an opportunity for another twelve months. So lets start.”

*   *   *   *

Once in the work shop she began by grabbing her tool box and plugging in the compressor. Bright blue sparks flew about her. Steel screeched as she cut and shaped. She didn’t realise she was finished until she reached for the last nut and bolt and discovered there was no more.

 “Now for the fun bit, testing and trying.” She hesitated. “Bother health and safety but I can’t ignore it.”

Getting ready for the test took more time than she bargained on. She dressed with care but she frightened Summer who raced towards the woods.

“Coward,” declared Constance as she pulled on the goggles and the thick safety gloves, before checking everything. “Right let’s check first,  safety harness for climbing. Hard hat, in case I slip. Bright obnoxious yellow jacket to make me highly visible, in case I get stuck under the snow.” She lifted one booted foot and stopped, they were of course safety issue, heavy and cumbersome.

 Saying a quick prayer to her guardian angel she went to drag her monster invention out of the workshop. It wouldn’t budge.

She stood looking at it wondering how to get it moving, then spotted a pair of roller blades, “perfect.”

Minutes later it sat outside in the snow, looking like a forlorn giant dog. Humming merrily she pressed the on switch. Clipping her rope to the central Christmas Pole in the middle of the square she took a look at the trampolines. They were lined up in strategic spots. They were used for hanging up lost and fallen lights or icicles. “Tonight I have another task for you,” she said.

Taking a leap she began to bounce along the trampolines hovering all of the snow from sight!

Constance was woken by a loud rumpus. It roared in her left ear. Sitting upright in her bed she discovered wasn’t easy as elves were climbing up onto her bed. From the muffled sounds beneath her she guessed a few were hidden underneath her bed.

“It’s been stolen, Christmas has been nicked.” Enda squeaked. His brothers took up the shout. “Not one snowflake left. Christmas is lost.”

“Not at all. It’s….” Constance smiled. “Isn’t this what you wished for?”

“No course not. It’s gone.” There were elves sobbing and moaning all around her.

She chewed on her bottom lip while considering the problem. “Let’s make the most of it, pretend we are in Hawaii.”

The elves moved into a huddle. There was frantic whispering. Enda appeared beside her.  “Slim is googling it on his iphone.” He ducked back inside the large circle.

“Can we barbecue? Make flower garlands, wear grass skirts? Try limbo dancing?” Sam asked.

She grimaced and worked her way around the vision of a hundred elves who can’t cook attempting to barbecue while wearing grass skirts.

Constance nodded. “Of course we can, but we’d better make sure there is a giant bucket of water standing by just in case..”

The words, “Christmas gets burnt,” died on her lips as she quickly added, “in case you get thirsty.”

Constance watched them race from her room chattering about sun lamps and sun burn. She wondered how she was going to explain this to Mr. S. Claus. With a sigh she tumbled from her bed and went to search her cookery books for tips on barbecuing.

“I suppose if the worst comes to the worst, the reindeers will not get lost this year, they will be guided home by the flames and aroma of one hundred turkey’s burning.”