A Muddled Tale

An interlude in which Always-Right-Knight has his say.

 

I love the witch. I cannot explain it.  For a witch she is sassy, sexy and all woman.

Despite my golden-haired, blue-eyed appearance, I do lack confidence with women in particular diva witches. And this poses a problem in my pursuit of the Scrumptious witch.

I have spent days writing the perfect Sonnet. Then I climbed to the top of Hill top peak to pick the bluest flower I could find. Finally I snagged some purple label freshly brewed beer, the one that sparkles and crackles.

Armed with my gifts I trudged about the town searching for her. I was tired, not thinking of anything but her when I happened upon her.  I am human and the sight of a near naked witch with a body worth dying for was too much for me. I jumped in and then zap I found myself in a dark place of dreams and nightmares.

When I awoke it was to discover the world had moved on, my diva was no more and I was in an alien place. Giant man-made dragons and machines roared across the sky and land. The place stank like no other. The houses were like palaces. Towers of glass and teeming hordes of people fill this place.

Strange to say, I love it. Better still they love me.

 

Maria’s – A Muddled Fairy Tale

(Written with illustrations in mind)

One upon a very long time ago, there was a day when every knight in the kingdom of Dragons-breath met to discuss who was top knight in the kingdom.

For the last five years the top of the poll was a very noble shining knight by the name of  ‘Always-Right-Knight’. He irritated most of the other knights because he was always right. And because he won every tournament.

Of all the knights in the stadium the three who stood out were the most terrible.

Yes, I said terrible. They would have been members of Snow White’s group but they weren’t good enough. They were called, Grouchy, Sleazy and Lazy.

 

Grouchy was the most bad tempered knight on the planet. When he wasn’t shouting abuse at children and old ladies he was prodding small animals with his sharp sword.

Sleazy loved to sneeze and drool, everything near him was covered in green slime or snot.

Lazy had one bad point. He was allergic to doing anything.

 

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Our tale begins when Scrumptious, the top witch in the village, overheard our three non-heroes.

Grouchy was hopping up and down, on his armor, to get the dents out.The air around him frizzled with his curses.

“Not a fashionable thing for a knight to do. I hope.” Sleezy muttered as he walked past nursing his sore leg and arm having lost another jousting match.

“You can’t talk. You lost as well.” Grouchy said in a breathless manner. He decided to have a rest and sat on his amour.

Lazy meandered up to them. He was squeezing his arm to stop the blood flowing from another injury, “We need to do something we are losing our fans. At this rate we will be jobless.”

Sneezy sneered at him, “what else can we do? We have tried everything from boot shiner to loo cleaners and we were rubbish at every thing we tried. We are useless.”

Grouchy’s language became so foul the other two got up and left him alone.

Scrumptious who delighted in the nasty and wicked decided to help. “I will make them useful,” she promised with a toss of her blonde hair.

So that night while the three knights snored and snorted in their sleep she paid them a visit.

Next morning when the residents woke there was a new great bridge crossing the madly flowing river in Dragons-breath. The three knights had vanished never to be seen again. However it was noticed that the pillars holding up the bridge were an odd shape and it was often joked one of the pillars looked as though it was resting.

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The earth trundled along and the years sped by. Times changed horses and carts no longer trotted across the bridge. Instead it vibrates under the weight of  the huge lorries and roaring cars who race across it.

In the year of 2014, a dark storm hit the countryside. The bridge was zapped by a bolt of lightning. The bridge crumbled. The stone pillars fell revealing those who were cursed were free to be themselves once again.

The moaning started instantly. None of the knights were impressed by the fact they were very wet.

“Where is our armour?’ Roared Grouchy as he looked at Lazy running about in some very odd looking underwear made from mud and reeds.

That as it turns out was the least of their troubles.

Next morning, having stolen some washing from a clothes line behind a cottage they walked towards Dragons-breath town to find it was no longer there.

“What now?” Sleazy asked. Lazy didn’t answer he was snoring. With a toss of his head Sleazy declared, “I have a horrid bad thirst on me lets find a tavern.”