Bob’s Diary: 10 Things I love to Hear

10 Things a Dog called Bob loves to hear.


1.      Ahh, no it’s raining. We won’t be able to walk today.

2.     Go get that cat!

3.     It’s dinner time

4.     Ellie needs to go to the vet!

5.     I think I’ll put on a fire.

6.     It’s dinner time.

7.     Let’s go to the beach.

8.     As we walk past the chip shop. How about chips for tea?

9.     We have visitors coming, we can’t go walking.

10.    The turkey is cooked.

Bob’s Diary: My account of THE PARTY



Sunday lunchtime saw the Ogres and Fairies working together to prepare the center of the wood. When they finished they stood back to inspect their work.

“It looks amazing.” Breeze said.

“Not bad at all.” Tulip agreed.

Everyone was coming to the party, so the table needed to be extra long. It  zig zagged its way around the large trees near the center clearing of the wood. Tiny wooden bowls sat, in  a line along the center of the table. These were decorated with silver stars and red fairy lights.

At each Ogre’s setting there was  a giant wooden cup, a knife and a fork and a spoon. The chair was decorated in moss and spiderwebs that twinkled when they caught the  sunlight.

Each Fairy place setting had a glass knife and fork, a tiny glass shaped like a star with a squiggly straw peeping from one point. The fairies chairs were decorated in see through silk, with long red ribbons.

Place names were made from wood bark, names carved with fairy dust.

Guests appeared early, they were shown to their seats and sat down. The air hummed with conversation.

The menu was divided into two choices :Ogre stew, or Fairy Pleasant Pie. Ogre’s home brewed snow cone drink or a glass of chocolate strawberry milk, with an assortment of cream pies and fairy cakes to follow.

There would be music and dancing later, they hoped.

“Why did you hang lanterns from the trees? I banged my head off every single one.” Hamish, the Goblin, muttered lifting his hat to show a whole group of bumps and lumps.

“The fairies did it.” Breeze said. The other Ogres nodded in agreement.

“Well done Hamish stupendous lumps,  you would win a competition for them,” Elegant witch said as she arrived with her younger sister Lovisma following behind. Lovisma was closely followed by a giant cauldron which, floated close behind her. She led it with a dog lead. There was a lot of hissing and bubbling coming from the cauldron. A wooden spoon was spinning about, sending drops of liquid spattering the guests.

“We brought, devils delight, for those who don’t really care for milk or water.” Lovisma clapped her hands  in anticipation of the party.

There was silence while the guests and hosts wondered who might be brave enough to speak.

“Ahh what is in devils delight, it smells delicious.” Ellen an elderly tree nymph asked.

“There is a little bit of this and a lot of that but..”

“Nothing that was alive or walked through the forest.” Lovisma said.

“Did it fly?” Breeze wondered.

“No, it’s herbs spices and water, you fool.” Lovisma was starting to spin. When ever she got mad the tiny witch would spin so fast she created a hole in the ground.

The sound of a deep gong filled the wood. “tea is served,” The fairies declared and with a flick of their wands , food appeared in front of the diners.

“This is yummy, did you make it yourself?” Mrs. Groundsel asked Beaver an elderly Ogre.

“I did. Just something I rustled up.”

The Ogres found his answer funny. They giggled until their laughter grew to a roar. Any fairy sitting opposite an Ogre became airborn. Many landed in the trees or on the ground near the edge of the wood.

“Please don’t do that again.” Tulip snapped wiping moss off her best dress.

But they found they couldn’t stop laughing. The madder the fairies became the happier the Ogres were. Their laughter rang out throughout the wood, sending fairies flying through the air.

Finally the fairies got into a huddle. They whispered among themselves. When they broke apart they were smiling.

The Ogres’ looked at one another. “Is this good?” Breeze wondered.

The fairies sat down and began to eat. The Ogres relaxed.

Breeze was sitting opposite the tooth fairy. “Knock , knock, ” he said.

“Who’s there?” She asked


“Tooth who?”

“Tooth or dare!”

He smiled delighted at making a tooth fairy joke. When she was knocked off her chair by his laughter she jumped up on her feet shouting, “Ready fairies ?”

Each fairy pointed her wand at a cream pie. With a flick of  her wand a pie hit an Ogre’s face.

“Food fight,” Hamish roared.

“Hang on, Hamish, give us a mo, we can’t waste a pie.” Breeze shouted.

The party fight was on hold while every Ogre removed the pie from their face and carefully ate it.

The fairies picked up their drinks and flew high into the tree to watch. Soon the air was alive with laughter and the sound of faces being struck by pies and cakes.

Everyone declared it to be the best party in the forest. They went home tired and happy though there was no music or dancing. This was noticed by a few of the Ogres who agreed it would be a fitting excuse to host another event.


I'll do anything for jellies.

I’ll do anything for jellies. It was great fun to watch.

The First Christmas Mystery at Mudpile Wood.

 The week before Christmas everyone was busy .  

Tulip met Hamish. He was wearing a white apron and a chef’s hat.

“Where did Breeze go?” grumbled Hamish. “He promised to help me cook my pudding. He must be lost.”

Tulip twinkled at him, “you are silly, we can’t lose a seven foot Ogre. It just can’t be done.”

“Well he has vanished.” Lovisma shouted wobbling by on her broomstick.

She was practising a new trick. Riding her  broomstick while standing on her head and spinning. So far, it wasn’t going well. Minutes ago she demolished the Gingerbread  house, and put a hole in the giant Christmas cake, Mrs. Groundsel had made. It resembled a very large donut with sprinkles on top.

“I hope he’s shopping.” Matt said. “Maybe he will buy me a pet crocodile.”

“No, he doesn’t like shopping, he gave me the list. I did his shopping months ago.” Tulip said.

They decided to search for him. Mrs Groundsel and Mat searched the caves. The witches flew to the mountain tops. Tulip and Hamish decided they would go and sit in his favorite tree. He was bound to show up soon. It was getting close to lunch time.

“It must be something awful if Breeze missed second breakfast.” Hamish whispered.

“Hmm…” Tulip said flying high above the trees. “Snow is coming tell the others we have to get the sleds ready.”

Hamish said, “we broke them last year when we had that crazy race off the frozen waterfall. ” He sighed. “But it was good fun. We forgot about the sleds till now.”

Everyone came out of their houses to watch the snowflakes dance and  twirl their way to the ground. It happened in minutes one minute there was no snow and the next there was buckets of it falling from the sky. But today nobody was smiling, they loved sledding.

Matt raced back inside and returned with an old wooden tray. “This will have to do, come on everyone.”

They trudged to the top of the hill field and took turns at flying down the hill on the tray. “It’s  not great but it’s better than nothing,” Matt said.

Suddenly they heard a rumble. It was growing louder.

“Thunder?” Mrs Groundsel  wondered. She didn’t like thunder or lightning.

“No,  but it is growing louder,  we should take shelter in the trees, hurry.” Tulip ushered everyone into the trees and flew upwards.The ground was shaking. Everyone was hopping about on the ground as the rumbling noise grew louder. Mrs. Groundsel  wanted to run and hide.

Suddenly above the rumbling noise they could hear Breeze laughing.  With a swoosh of snow he raced past them on a giant sled.

Everyone abandoned the wood. They chased after him, “wait for us.”

He applied the brake and the giant sled shuddered to a stop.

” Where did you get it?”  Tulip asked him.

“Borrowed the idea from the elves.” He told them. “It took a bit of work but it’s great come on lets go.”

They piled on big and small. “Oooh watch out for the waterfall,” they cried as they zipped along scattering snow as they went.

Breeze smiled and kept going.  The women closed their eyes, the children held their breath because they could see the end of the frozen waterfall. Suddenly they were flying high above the valley. “we wil die this time, ” Hamish grumbled thinking of his uncooked christmas pudding.

There was a soft jolt and looking up they laughed. A parachute had opened. They floated to the ground.

“You should go missing more often I had a third breakfast today.” Matt said rolling a huge snowball and throwing it at Breeze.

“A long chase from this giant snowball will help you get hungry,” Breeze said and rolled down the mountain after Matt.

Bob’s Diary: Sad Saturday

Hi, Maria got pulled away from her desk.



Sounded hopeful until we heard she sent a text.

It read, “Yeah – I’m on a bus”

I asked what’s a bus? The next one was more confusing, “I’m on the Dart. Hip Hip Hooray.”

Now she had both Ellie and me major confused.

Final message that was read aloud to us: “Am sitting in the stands, watched the Samoa Team do their Haka. Everyone looking for the ball and the game to start. See you later, give my love to Bob.”

No wonder Ellie is looking like this:



Ellie would rather Maria gave her a tennis ball and me,

I’m not fussy dinner would be good.

Bob’s Diary: A quick thought…









I’ve been thinking:

bob2Witches love Halloween…..

 logic tells me they will be flying overhead leaving trails of jellybabies and marshmallows to shower down on us.

So if my house looks a little different then….

Are you getting the picture?

(Watch this spot I will reveal the new domicile on Halloween night.)


Horace has a hard day.

Only five hundred and fifty five more sacks of nectar to collect and I’m winner of the collector of the week, Horace thought as he paused for a break.

It was hot. Humid and hot, not two of his favorite words but work was work and families had mouths and they needed to be fed.

He paused and with a neat flick his straw-like tongue zipped outwards and got …nada… zilch…nothing.

Again, it can’t be happening again. Oh gosh, that’s the third time today. I’m overworked, I’m finished I won’t make the top of the pollen charts today or tomorrow. I must be ill. As he ranted and raved, he paused,  the other insects around him were mostly bees or the odd horsefly, but he could have sworn he heard a giggle. He looked around no one appeared to be watching him.

“Oh god, its worse than I thought, I’m going cuckoo, mad, batty.” He shuddered – he hated bats.

Horace considered his options. To return home now would be to admit total and utter defeat.  “I’m not a quitter, ” he muttered. “I’ll move on to the next plant and try once more.”

As he took off, he noticed that taking off was becoming harder and harder. I feel as though I am gaining weight. Must go back to  Moving and Meditating Classes, they did me good the last time.

He landed with a thump and gave himself a minute. He closed his eyes and pictured a calm scene. Night time and his bed.

Meanwhile Lolita ladybug had unattached herself from him and was busy collecting nectar. She hummed as she worked. Moths were famous for being less than clever but today she had hit the jackpot. So far she had robbed him of six sacks of nectar and if she played her cards right he would even give her a ride back home.

The air fizzled. She looked up and noticed he had one eye open. Humming stopped and she became one with the stem of the plant. Hoping was all she had now unless he was exceptionally stupid….

Flash fiction piece inspired by this photo on Dragonfly Photography’s blog page.

Bob’s Diary

Rain, rain and more rain….

I don’t get it, I’m captain, but..

ellie on boat

 Ellie  – won’t let me on the boat!


Maria felt sorry for me –


and I got second prize…




I would have preferred a bag of jelly babies.