A Muddled Tale Continues….

A Muddled Tale

Part 3: It is a weird world – Three  Knights in a new world..


When the awkward problem of no clothing was solved, they came to a heart stopping decision. It was made in their usual manner by holding a group discussion. This meant a very meandering path was taken before the point was clarified. The conversation went something like this:

“These clothes are very soft,” Grouchy muttered as he ran his hand gently up and down the shirt fabric.

“Not very manly nor fit for a Knight. They don’t clank or need polishing.” Sleazy whispered. “But I agree they are warm and don’t make my skin itch.”

“Yes. But they are not normal but neither is this world. That hut looked like nothing we know.” Lazy beckoned and they moved closer. When they were in a tight huddle he whispered, “we are under a spell. Be very careful of what you say and who you say it to.”

“I agree, we are in a world of magic and mystery. We are not afraid. We are knights – we have to stick together.” Grouchy gave a nod and stood very tall and proud.

The decision was made. Even though they were strangers in a strange world they would act knightly and stay together.

Two minutes later they split up to search for food or a means of transport. They would meet at the foot of the mountain close to them at dawn next morning.

It is not necessary to go into the tedious frightening details of how badly they each fared. Enough to say when they returned to their meeting point, none of them carried any food or had a horse or cart with them.

Grouchy was shaking. Sleazy rendered speechless. Lazy was jabbering like an idiot.

They walked to a small stream. After taking a drink Grouchy declared it to be tainted. Then they ate berries which they found growing in a nearby hedge. Sleazy thought they were sour and too bitter.

Lazy said, “we are neither Goldilocks nor the three bears. I think they are fine.” He ate his fill which left the hedge pretty empty.

Night was descending on the mountain in an abrupt manner. By the time Grouchy lit a fire  it was dark and cold. Sleazy dumped a bundle of sticks on the ground and crouched low. He said, “there is something peculiar happening. Lazy was spinning on his head. One minute he was dancing on the spot the next he was spinning on his head.”

Grouchy frowned, “I have had a peculiar feeling all day, like I should be providing a better place for us to stay. I have this itch to make the ground more comfortable and the fire bigger to warm us all.” He jumped to his feet. With a screech of horror he said, “I’m turning into a girl.”

Sleazy nodded. “It is as I thought . We are bewitched. I know this because I have been counting non-stop all day long. We need to hide.”

Grouchy considered his words carefully. “To be in disguise and untraceable we should take new names.”

Sleazy allowed this thought time to roam and wander through his head.

Lazy danced into view. He performed a neat pirouette and said, “I have this desire to dance. I am crazy or ill.”

“No,” Grouchy said, “you are under a spell.”

Lazy searched the landscape around them. Briars and gorse were mingled with brambles and small trees. “Who put us under it? And where are they?”

Sleazy explained their theory on the event. “We should change names. I would like to be called Liam.” Lazy declared.

“I am George, ” Grouchy said.

They both turned to Sleazy. He wrinkled his nose and thought for a long time. “I am Sam.” With a deep furrow spreading across his forehead he admitted, “though it will seem strange to be called that, why don’t we stick to our initials?”

So they became G, S, L.

“We need to get moving as far away from here as possible.” G said.

“In the morning, would be fine with me.” S said to L only to find L had twirled out of sight.




Maria’s – A Muddled Fairy Tale – Part 2.

Scrumptious Witch.  My side of the tale.

When those three moaning, tiresome knights, kept knocking on my door asking for favors I could not give, I became a little sick and tired of them.

After all when a  pretty, blonde and intelligent witch is trying to snag a Prince Charming having three dolts hanging around her hut is not exactly saying “come and get me” to every available prince, is it?

They were following me or so it seemed. Everywhere I looked there they were. Even when I nipped out late one evening to find come beetle juice there they were: one hopping on his armor the other moaning about being beaten and the third stemming the flow of blood from another self-inflicted injury during a jousting match.

I pretended to brush my hair while sitting not to far away and listened to them. It was apparent they were useless. They would always be moaning and groaning. Something drastic had to be done.  If I was to push them onto another witch I would need help or a really sneaky spell.

I decided if I solved their problems, I would be rid of them but that might make me famous. And then I would have every ruddy knight on the planet camped outside my door.

If the path to a hut containing treasure (me) is blocked by a mountain of knights it would not be enticing to a handsome Prince.

My solution was simple. It happened in a moment of  blinding revelation. I needed to stash them somewhere safe. And in return for their removal I would give them each a gift.

This last bit took some time. Gifts are not something to be bandied about, and this is what I came up with:

Lazy whose armor was always the grottiest would be transformed into an ultra clean cleaner, seeing dirt where no one else could.

Grouchy’s temper would vanish. His anti social side would morph into a person who loves to entertain.

Sleazy lack of interest in everything would turn around. He would become a person needing an answer.

So the spell was cast. I took my time and put them in a deep sleep, they would only be awakened when the world was in need of knights big and small once again.

Unfortunately for me while I was doing the spell that big-headed oaf, Always-Right-Knight stumbled upon me in full moon light dance and chant mode. He wished to join me so he too joined their party. But I was cautious.  I removed him a distance from the others and decided not to meddle with an already arrogant overbearing idiot.

In my defense we were in need of three good solid supports for the bridge and guess who found them?

Yes. Me.

Hopefully the future world will be an amazing place where knights will be true honest and happy.

Bob’s Diary: Three Wishes.

copy-bob-for-heading.jpgIf I were granted three wishes I would have to ask for:


1.  I would have a food/treat dispensing machine installed in my kennel.

2.   I could sleep through anything, i.e. Ellie throwing her balls on my body as I sleep, Maria shouting time for a walk, (every day, it’s a bit much you will have to agree.)

3.  I would have my own personal groomers. I love having my back scratched, behind my ears, under my chin and on my belly.

I would also plead for a fourth wish, to stop Maria dressing me up for photo’s. (And she didn’t even put me on the cover of her book!)

Remembering these makes me think maybe it is best not to ask to be on her next cover.

ballsbobs discoveryhelp pleasedetective bob 1wear a silly hat

Bob’s Diary: Valentines Day and my dream has come true!

Rain stopped for a while so I resumed the hunt for the stupid Ogre and his crock of fairy cakes.

the hunt continues

I kept thinking today is the day..



stumble on basket

My wee collie friend with the nose struck gold

I needed a rest

exhausted but happy

But before we left with our trophies to enjoy at home, I couldn’t resist it ….just a taste

bob in wood final

It’s a great Valentines Day – giant cupcakes with icing on top!

cupcakes and bob

Except for the fact I had to give her one

ellie and hat

She threatened to eat Maria’s hat…and I’m not that mean.

Bob’s Diary: My account of THE PARTY



Sunday lunchtime saw the Ogres and Fairies working together to prepare the center of the wood. When they finished they stood back to inspect their work.

“It looks amazing.” Breeze said.

“Not bad at all.” Tulip agreed.

Everyone was coming to the party, so the table needed to be extra long. It  zig zagged its way around the large trees near the center clearing of the wood. Tiny wooden bowls sat, in  a line along the center of the table. These were decorated with silver stars and red fairy lights.

At each Ogre’s setting there was  a giant wooden cup, a knife and a fork and a spoon. The chair was decorated in moss and spiderwebs that twinkled when they caught the  sunlight.

Each Fairy place setting had a glass knife and fork, a tiny glass shaped like a star with a squiggly straw peeping from one point. The fairies chairs were decorated in see through silk, with long red ribbons.

Place names were made from wood bark, names carved with fairy dust.

Guests appeared early, they were shown to their seats and sat down. The air hummed with conversation.

The menu was divided into two choices :Ogre stew, or Fairy Pleasant Pie. Ogre’s home brewed snow cone drink or a glass of chocolate strawberry milk, with an assortment of cream pies and fairy cakes to follow.

There would be music and dancing later, they hoped.

“Why did you hang lanterns from the trees? I banged my head off every single one.” Hamish, the Goblin, muttered lifting his hat to show a whole group of bumps and lumps.

“The fairies did it.” Breeze said. The other Ogres nodded in agreement.

“Well done Hamish stupendous lumps,  you would win a competition for them,” Elegant witch said as she arrived with her younger sister Lovisma following behind. Lovisma was closely followed by a giant cauldron which, floated close behind her. She led it with a dog lead. There was a lot of hissing and bubbling coming from the cauldron. A wooden spoon was spinning about, sending drops of liquid spattering the guests.

“We brought, devils delight, for those who don’t really care for milk or water.” Lovisma clapped her hands  in anticipation of the party.

There was silence while the guests and hosts wondered who might be brave enough to speak.

“Ahh what is in devils delight, it smells delicious.” Ellen an elderly tree nymph asked.

“There is a little bit of this and a lot of that but..”

“Nothing that was alive or walked through the forest.” Lovisma said.

“Did it fly?” Breeze wondered.

“No, it’s herbs spices and water, you fool.” Lovisma was starting to spin. When ever she got mad the tiny witch would spin so fast she created a hole in the ground.

The sound of a deep gong filled the wood. “tea is served,” The fairies declared and with a flick of their wands , food appeared in front of the diners.

“This is yummy, did you make it yourself?” Mrs. Groundsel asked Beaver an elderly Ogre.

“I did. Just something I rustled up.”

The Ogres found his answer funny. They giggled until their laughter grew to a roar. Any fairy sitting opposite an Ogre became airborn. Many landed in the trees or on the ground near the edge of the wood.

“Please don’t do that again.” Tulip snapped wiping moss off her best dress.

But they found they couldn’t stop laughing. The madder the fairies became the happier the Ogres were. Their laughter rang out throughout the wood, sending fairies flying through the air.

Finally the fairies got into a huddle. They whispered among themselves. When they broke apart they were smiling.

The Ogres’ looked at one another. “Is this good?” Breeze wondered.

The fairies sat down and began to eat. The Ogres relaxed.

Breeze was sitting opposite the tooth fairy. “Knock , knock, ” he said.

“Who’s there?” She asked


“Tooth who?”

“Tooth or dare!”

He smiled delighted at making a tooth fairy joke. When she was knocked off her chair by his laughter she jumped up on her feet shouting, “Ready fairies ?”

Each fairy pointed her wand at a cream pie. With a flick of  her wand a pie hit an Ogre’s face.

“Food fight,” Hamish roared.

“Hang on, Hamish, give us a mo, we can’t waste a pie.” Breeze shouted.

The party fight was on hold while every Ogre removed the pie from their face and carefully ate it.

The fairies picked up their drinks and flew high into the tree to watch. Soon the air was alive with laughter and the sound of faces being struck by pies and cakes.

Everyone declared it to be the best party in the forest. They went home tired and happy though there was no music or dancing. This was noticed by a few of the Ogres who agreed it would be a fitting excuse to host another event.


I'll do anything for jellies.

I’ll do anything for jellies. It was great fun to watch.

The Disappearance


“I’m going to be on TV.” Fred announced.

“Why?” Emily asked, four years younger and interested in everything.

“I will be in the talent show.”

“Good for you Fred.” Dad said, puffing out his chest and sitting up straight.

“I must buy a new dress.” Mum looked dreamy.

Emily didn’t get it. So what if he could pull a stuffed rabbit out of a hat? Everyone knew it was a trick.

“I can do real magic, not play magic like Fred, ” she said.

“Course you can, princess.” Dad said.

Emily scowled. Why did no one believe her?

The house became a frenzy of magic. It was practised every day in every room. Dad would appear and say, “how about a card trick Fred?” Then he would watch and wait, applauding and giving encouragement.

Emily retreated to reading her favourite stories about Tir Na nOg.

One afternoon mum asked, “Who is your assistant Fred?”

He stopped pulling hankies from his hat to consider this problem. “I don’t know. Do I need one?” He squished up his nose and thought about it. “Stupid me, all the best magicians have an assistant.”

“There are a lot of girls in your class. I bet one of them would love to help.”

Fred scowled. He didn’t like girls. They giggled, didn’t play football or basketball. “No, I think they are busy doing dancing and other girly stuff.”

Emily began to creep out of the room. “Emily could do it.” Fred turned and grinned at his sister.

Mum smiled, “great we should check your party dress. Maybe it needs a few bows or ribbons,” mum dashed from the room. Emily supposed her mum was happy to have a job.

With Emily by his side, Fred began to expand his variety of tricks. “I have a great finale planned Em.” He told her one afternoon.

She had to admit he was good. But she knew she could be better. “Will they expect everything to be perfect?” She asked.

“Of course.” He said.

The morning of the show they arrived at the television centre. Emily brought her favourite book with her and loads of snacks.

Fred looked at her. “We might be on first.”

Shaking her head she answered. “Not with my luck.”

He scowled at her.  Then gave her hand a pat, “You will get your chance to show off on TV when you are eleven. It’s only a couple of years.”

She smiled then said, “I don’t think I will have to wait that long.”

“Remember to do everything the way we practised.”

“Don’t worry I will make your act spectacular.” Emily said. “Jelly baby?”

Emily sat and watched the other contestants arrive. She was impressed with a tall thin lady with two small terriers. “Do they do tricks?” She politely asked.

“No.” the lady said. She smelt of lemon soap.  The dogs sat at her feet watching and waiting.  “They sing in harmony.”

One of the dogs belched.

“Great.” Emily said. And picking up her book she began to read it.

One by one the contestants were called. Emily didn’t give the elderly man with the chainsaw much hope of winning.  “He won’t be able to start that thing.” She said.

She was correct. His face was bright red as he left.

“I think the man with the guitar will win.” She said listening to him strumming on his guitar.

Fred scowled. “Thanks, what about me?”

“You Fred, will be spectacular.” She smacked her lips together.

When it was time Emily straightened her dress, fixed her brightest smile on her face and walked into the room behind Fred.

“I will perform magic for you this afternoon. I will be helped by my charming sister, Emily.” Fred said.

Emily gave a courtesy and beamed. The audience clapped and someone whistled. They like me. This thought carried Emily through a perfect rendition of the hankies from the hat trick, the water pouring into a paper bag trick. Fred puffed his chest out like his dad did.

He’s a twit. I can do magic. This thought landed in her head and would not be shifted.

She heard Fred say, “In a minute I will ask Emily to stand in this box, which,” he tapped it, “is solid.”  He faced the audience, “there is no escape. Would a member of the audience check it out please?”

An elderly man shuffled from his seat and inspected the box. Emily thought he might kick it. “It’s solid.” He said and went back to his seat.

Fred pointed at Emily and then at the box. She could feel her temper rising. I’m tired of being bossed around.

Inside the box, Emily relaxed. She could no longer see Fred. It helped. Unfortunately she could hear him.

It was enough.

“Now I will spin the box slowly. When I open the door we will discover Emily is no longer there. Instead she will appear from behind the curtain.”

When Fred opened the door the applause was deafening. “Isn’t he great?” mum breathed. She looked across the stage waiting for Emily to appear.

An hour later they were still searching for her.


Seventy years later Fred lay on his death bed. “I would give anything to know what happened to Em.”

As soon as he uttered the words, she appeared.  “I told you I could do magic, why didn’t you listen?”

“I missed you. Where were you?”

“I missed you too. Though Tir Na nOg is spectacular. I think we could use a play magician. That is why I came. Would you like to come with me now?”

Fred gave a nod.

When the nurse came to check on him, he was no longer there.