Chris is lying in hospital.
The doctors don’t know what hit him. That is the trouble.
I know you are only 6,000 miles away but it might as well be the moon in moments of crisis.
I could do with a hug or a smack, I don’t know which would be best. You, as usual, would know and administer the necessary action.
How do I do it? I am married the sum total of five weeks, happy at last, and wham: my husband is lying unconscious on a hospital trolley. The fight for a proper bed is constant.
Right here we go, deep breath, the story begins like this.
I have been trying to impress him.
I’ve sorted his house, scrubbed and cleaned it until it has become so clean and sterilized it is a no go area for any insect or germ. His wheezy chest has vanished. We are both delighted with his incredible stamina and energy. No need for details your vast imagination can sort that area out with delight, no doubt.
To celebrate I decided to bake his favorite, double chocolate fudge cake.
Me, bake? Why ever not? I decided to go for it. I bought the necessary ingredients and cake tin. Then I followed the recipe carefully. Placed it in the oven and went to watch my favorite tv program.
One hour later the smoke alarm woke me. I opened the back door, windows, skylights. I pulled the offending item from the oven. It was double all right, double burnt and hot. My burning fingers begged for mercy so I pegged it out the back door. This was followed by an awful sound.
I raced out. There Chris was, lying flat on his back and the hissing, smoking cake beside him. I called for help.
Checked no one was about then heaved the offending item even further away and there you go. What to do next? Please help.
Your loving but needy friend,