A Muddled Tale Continues….

A Muddled Tale

Part 3: It is a weird world – Three  Knights in a new world..

 

When the awkward problem of no clothing was solved, they came to a heart stopping decision. It was made in their usual manner by holding a group discussion. This meant a very meandering path was taken before the point was clarified. The conversation went something like this:

“These clothes are very soft,” Grouchy muttered as he ran his hand gently up and down the shirt fabric.

“Not very manly nor fit for a Knight. They don’t clank or need polishing.” Sleazy whispered. “But I agree they are warm and don’t make my skin itch.”

“Yes. But they are not normal but neither is this world. That hut looked like nothing we know.” Lazy beckoned and they moved closer. When they were in a tight huddle he whispered, “we are under a spell. Be very careful of what you say and who you say it to.”

“I agree, we are in a world of magic and mystery. We are not afraid. We are knights – we have to stick together.” Grouchy gave a nod and stood very tall and proud.

The decision was made. Even though they were strangers in a strange world they would act knightly and stay together.

Two minutes later they split up to search for food or a means of transport. They would meet at the foot of the mountain close to them at dawn next morning.

It is not necessary to go into the tedious frightening details of how badly they each fared. Enough to say when they returned to their meeting point, none of them carried any food or had a horse or cart with them.

Grouchy was shaking. Sleazy rendered speechless. Lazy was jabbering like an idiot.

They walked to a small stream. After taking a drink Grouchy declared it to be tainted. Then they ate berries which they found growing in a nearby hedge. Sleazy thought they were sour and too bitter.

Lazy said, “we are neither Goldilocks nor the three bears. I think they are fine.” He ate his fill which left the hedge pretty empty.

Night was descending on the mountain in an abrupt manner. By the time Grouchy lit a fire  it was dark and cold. Sleazy dumped a bundle of sticks on the ground and crouched low. He said, “there is something peculiar happening. Lazy was spinning on his head. One minute he was dancing on the spot the next he was spinning on his head.”

Grouchy frowned, “I have had a peculiar feeling all day, like I should be providing a better place for us to stay. I have this itch to make the ground more comfortable and the fire bigger to warm us all.” He jumped to his feet. With a screech of horror he said, “I’m turning into a girl.”

Sleazy nodded. “It is as I thought . We are bewitched. I know this because I have been counting non-stop all day long. We need to hide.”

Grouchy considered his words carefully. “To be in disguise and untraceable we should take new names.”

Sleazy allowed this thought time to roam and wander through his head.

Lazy danced into view. He performed a neat pirouette and said, “I have this desire to dance. I am crazy or ill.”

“No,” Grouchy said, “you are under a spell.”

Lazy searched the landscape around them. Briars and gorse were mingled with brambles and small trees. “Who put us under it? And where are they?”

Sleazy explained their theory on the event. “We should change names. I would like to be called Liam.” Lazy declared.

“I am George, ” Grouchy said.

They both turned to Sleazy. He wrinkled his nose and thought for a long time. “I am Sam.” With a deep furrow spreading across his forehead he admitted, “though it will seem strange to be called that, why don’t we stick to our initials?”

So they became G, S, L.

“We need to get moving as far away from here as possible.” G said.

“In the morning, would be fine with me.” S said to L only to find L had twirled out of sight.

 

 

Maria’s – A Muddled Fairy Tale – Part 2.

Scrumptious Witch.  My side of the tale.

When those three moaning, tiresome knights, kept knocking on my door asking for favors I could not give, I became a little sick and tired of them.

After all when a  pretty, blonde and intelligent witch is trying to snag a Prince Charming having three dolts hanging around her hut is not exactly saying “come and get me” to every available prince, is it?

They were following me or so it seemed. Everywhere I looked there they were. Even when I nipped out late one evening to find come beetle juice there they were: one hopping on his armor the other moaning about being beaten and the third stemming the flow of blood from another self-inflicted injury during a jousting match.

I pretended to brush my hair while sitting not to far away and listened to them. It was apparent they were useless. They would always be moaning and groaning. Something drastic had to be done.  If I was to push them onto another witch I would need help or a really sneaky spell.

I decided if I solved their problems, I would be rid of them but that might make me famous. And then I would have every ruddy knight on the planet camped outside my door.

If the path to a hut containing treasure (me) is blocked by a mountain of knights it would not be enticing to a handsome Prince.

My solution was simple. It happened in a moment of  blinding revelation. I needed to stash them somewhere safe. And in return for their removal I would give them each a gift.

This last bit took some time. Gifts are not something to be bandied about, and this is what I came up with:

Lazy whose armor was always the grottiest would be transformed into an ultra clean cleaner, seeing dirt where no one else could.

Grouchy’s temper would vanish. His anti social side would morph into a person who loves to entertain.

Sleazy lack of interest in everything would turn around. He would become a person needing an answer.

So the spell was cast. I took my time and put them in a deep sleep, they would only be awakened when the world was in need of knights big and small once again.

Unfortunately for me while I was doing the spell that big-headed oaf, Always-Right-Knight stumbled upon me in full moon light dance and chant mode. He wished to join me so he too joined their party. But I was cautious.  I removed him a distance from the others and decided not to meddle with an already arrogant overbearing idiot.

In my defense we were in need of three good solid supports for the bridge and guess who found them?

Yes. Me.

Hopefully the future world will be an amazing place where knights will be true honest and happy.

Maria’s – A Muddled Fairy Tale

(Written with illustrations in mind)

One upon a very long time ago, there was a day when every knight in the kingdom of Dragons-breath met to discuss who was top knight in the kingdom.

For the last five years the top of the poll was a very noble shining knight by the name of  ‘Always-Right-Knight’. He irritated most of the other knights because he was always right. And because he won every tournament.

Of all the knights in the stadium the three who stood out were the most terrible.

Yes, I said terrible. They would have been members of Snow White’s group but they weren’t good enough. They were called, Grouchy, Sleazy and Lazy.

 

Grouchy was the most bad tempered knight on the planet. When he wasn’t shouting abuse at children and old ladies he was prodding small animals with his sharp sword.

Sleazy loved to sneeze and drool, everything near him was covered in green slime or snot.

Lazy had one bad point. He was allergic to doing anything.

 

*************************************

Our tale begins when Scrumptious, the top witch in the village, overheard our three non-heroes.

Grouchy was hopping up and down, on his armor, to get the dents out.The air around him frizzled with his curses.

“Not a fashionable thing for a knight to do. I hope.” Sleezy muttered as he walked past nursing his sore leg and arm having lost another jousting match.

“You can’t talk. You lost as well.” Grouchy said in a breathless manner. He decided to have a rest and sat on his amour.

Lazy meandered up to them. He was squeezing his arm to stop the blood flowing from another injury, “We need to do something we are losing our fans. At this rate we will be jobless.”

Sneezy sneered at him, “what else can we do? We have tried everything from boot shiner to loo cleaners and we were rubbish at every thing we tried. We are useless.”

Grouchy’s language became so foul the other two got up and left him alone.

Scrumptious who delighted in the nasty and wicked decided to help. “I will make them useful,” she promised with a toss of her blonde hair.

So that night while the three knights snored and snorted in their sleep she paid them a visit.

Next morning when the residents woke there was a new great bridge crossing the madly flowing river in Dragons-breath. The three knights had vanished never to be seen again. However it was noticed that the pillars holding up the bridge were an odd shape and it was often joked one of the pillars looked as though it was resting.

*********************************

 

The earth trundled along and the years sped by. Times changed horses and carts no longer trotted across the bridge. Instead it vibrates under the weight of  the huge lorries and roaring cars who race across it.

In the year of 2014, a dark storm hit the countryside. The bridge was zapped by a bolt of lightning. The bridge crumbled. The stone pillars fell revealing those who were cursed were free to be themselves once again.

The moaning started instantly. None of the knights were impressed by the fact they were very wet.

“Where is our armour?’ Roared Grouchy as he looked at Lazy running about in some very odd looking underwear made from mud and reeds.

That as it turns out was the least of their troubles.

Next morning, having stolen some washing from a clothes line behind a cottage they walked towards Dragons-breath town to find it was no longer there.

“What now?” Sleazy asked. Lazy didn’t answer he was snoring. With a toss of his head Sleazy declared, “I have a horrid bad thirst on me lets find a tavern.”

 

 

Bob’s Diary: The reason why…

The reason why I want to be a bird is simple:

Look at these images and draw your own conclusion, please.

bird in bath male

 

 

 

 

 

 

washing bob

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm wet, humiliated, broke,  how did this happen?

I’m wet, humiliated, broke,
how did this happen?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baths make me feel like a hedgehog on stilts.

 

Bob’s Diary: Peace is sought.

I have a hard life and here is the evidence.Bob with hat one

I was settling down for a pleasant snooze in the afternoon sunshine when she appeared.

fun one

 

 

 

I knew she had a plan

She had it went like this:

fun 2

 

 

You need to play;

 

 

 

 

fun 3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

fun 5

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

fun 9

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then I thought it was safe but…she nicked my hat!

nicking hat

running with hat

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eventually there was peace.

Game over

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Until next time.

 

Bob’s Diary: I am in this chapter: Moving On. Chapter 2

2. The Meeting

A shout of delight announced the arrival of the third place team across the finish line. Ally noted his happiness and could appreciate how well he had done. She suspected he would have preferred to finish in first place. Taking a deep breath she walked forward in her usual energetic bouncy manner towards Steve. She decided to disregard her stinging hand. She couldn’t prove he had intended to hit her.

Hand outstretched she congratulated him. He ignored her offered hand, saying, “You were lucky this time.”

Ally nodded at him and turned away. She had expected no more from him. She could see the third prize winner breathless and smiling making a fuss of his dogs. He was new to racing but she had the odd sensation that they had met before.

Steve’s next words brought her attention hurtling back to him.”Racing is no place for a woman, but if you were looking for attention to get your dogs noticed. It worked. I’ll take your lead dog off your hands. She is the best of an okay lot. “

She acknowledged his words with a cool tone in her reply. “I’m not asking for anyone to take any one of my dogs, off my hands, as you so sweetly put it. And they are much better than okay.”

His next words put a chill racing through her, “I’ll wait, you will be glad of the money soon enough but I won’t make as generous an offer the next time. It was a lucky win. You and I know that.”

With his comment swirling in her head Ally said, “Hmm. I suppose it was down to luck that I walked the route earlier and got thoroughly soaked. You should know conditions can change in a few minutes depending on weather and how many races are run before ours.”

His expression became sterner. He moved closer. He towered over her as he began, “now look here.”

He got no further because a smooth warm voice interrupted Steve saying, “I didn’t realise this was a contact sport. If you are looking for an opponent, next time please make an appointment with me. I’d be happy to knock some sense and manners into you, Steve.”

Ally watching Steve’s face recognised the dangerous gleam in his eyes. She looked at the newcomer. She wasn’t prepared for the cold calculating look in his eyes. Turning to Ally he said with a warm smile, “She’s one smart, fast dog and you handled your team like a professional. I, on the other hand, made a mess of the last kilometre especially that bend.”

Steve looked at him and grunted, “Great Tom. You know nothing. Just you remember what we talked about before.” He turned on his heel and left them.

Shoving his sunglasses to the top of his head the man before her said, ‘Now the oaf has left let’s start again. Thanks for a great race. I’m Tom Lynch and I really enjoyed that. It was exhilarating.’

Her cold hand was enfolded in his large warm hand. As they shook hands a ripple of energy coursed through her causing her to let her hand drop from his. Looking up at him Ally discovered she was being watched by the darkest pair of eyes she had ever seen.

“I look forward to racing you again and I hope it will be soon.” Tom said leaning towards her.

Ally felt she might be swallowed up by those eyes. She opened her mouth but didn’t get a chance to reply because the moment was lost as she was surrounded by a group of older men who were loudly congratulating her on her win.

She was aware of Tom standing to one side listening to the murmurs of, ‘well done Ally love,’ and “you have done Sam proud. Good girl.”  Then she forgot everything. The mention of Sam’s name brought tears to her eyes. Ally noticed some of the men wiping their own eyes as they turned away. Ally’s dad, Sam, had been respected and loved in this racing world. She missed him, but racing brought his memory closer to her.

“May I offer my sincerest sympathy?” Tom’s voice was soft but she jumped when he spoke, for a moment she had forgotten him.

The warmth and sincerity in his voice got to her. Ally blinking furiously to dispel the further rush of tears, nodded her head. “Thanks. He got me into this mess in the first place.” All about them people were busy, shouting instructions to others or to barking dogs.

Tom kicked at a tuft of grass at his feet as he said, “Me too. I came to watch a race and met Sam. His enthusiasm encouraged me to pull Mac off the sidelines. He gave me a lot. Tips, advice and his time.”

As he spoke his team had her attention. Ally chewed on her bottom lip waiting for a break in conversation to give him the bad news. She managed to suppress a grin when she saw two of them chewing through their shiny new harness. Her words sharper than she intended, “I think you should rescue your gear. They appear to like the taste.”

Tom glanced behind him and groaned. He was moving towards them as he said, “Thank you and again, I’m sorry about Sam. Watch out for us next time. I’ll be looking for you.”

Ally dripping mud and water looked towards her team who were in a mucky but happy state.  She walked over to them. After giving each dog a hug and praising them Ally became aware that one was missing: Bob.

She hadn’t seen him sitting at the finish line with Bill, her father’s best friend. Puzzled, Ally went in search of her team cheerleader. She discovered he had ditched Bill. Bob was sitting under a golf umbrella, with a lady. Ally noting her grey hair and twinkling eyes and gentle way of speaking to the dog, groaned. He had gained another fan.

The lady was enjoying a drink and a sandwich. Bob, Ally noticed, was being very attentive and appreciative. A sandwich was placed before him. He carefully inspected it, nudging aside the top layer of bread. Thin slices of cucumber and ham were swallowed in a hurry when he saw Ally thundering his way.

“I told you not to go around begging. Bob, what am I going to do with you? Can’t I leave you for a moment? Bill was minding you, what happened?” Ally paused to glance at Bob’s hostess.

“I’m sorry. It’s my fault, I fed him. You look tired and wet. Would you like some tea?” Bob’s new friend sounded concerned.

“No, thank you.” Ally gritted her teeth and reminded herself to be polite. After all, this lady knew nothing about her wayward dog’s love of begging.

“Bill had a job to do. He asked us to keep each other company. I do think you are being a bit hard on Bob.  He has been great fun while my son deserted me to chase some woman or dogs. You know what men are like, always chasing something.” She smiled at Ally. With a flick of her thin wrist she apologized, “Bob reminds me of him. So handsome that you can’t refuse anything he asks. Please don’t scold Bob. He’s a child; look at those soulful sad eyes.”

Ally remembered her manners. “Thank you for minding him. However he’s a bold child. We must go. Come on Bob, up and at ‘em.” She didn’t have to say another word, the dog got to his feet with difficulty and lumbered after her. Ally turned to him and said, “I hope the cucumber gives you trouble. You deserve it.”

His loud belch ended the conversation.

Bob’s Diary: Three Wishes.

copy-bob-for-heading.jpgIf I were granted three wishes I would have to ask for:

 

1.  I would have a food/treat dispensing machine installed in my kennel.

2.   I could sleep through anything, i.e. Ellie throwing her balls on my body as I sleep, Maria shouting time for a walk, (every day, it’s a bit much you will have to agree.)

3.  I would have my own personal groomers. I love having my back scratched, behind my ears, under my chin and on my belly.

I would also plead for a fourth wish, to stop Maria dressing me up for photo’s. (And she didn’t even put me on the cover of her book!)

Remembering these makes me think maybe it is best not to ask to be on her next cover.

ballsbobs discoveryhelp pleasedetective bob 1wear a silly hat